


A Blond Detective Walks Into A Bar...

by Lunas



Category: Elementary (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 20:33:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6872395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunas/pseuds/Lunas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While watching Matilda, Sherlock bets Joan that it is impossible to accidentally bleach your hair blond.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Blond Detective Walks Into A Bar...

**Author's Note:**

> All you need to know is JLM's new hair colour **https://66.media.tumblr.com/f513c5f365e605d7243cfd0020c2c822/tumblr_inline_o799nuKl6E1s7opy4_540.jpg** And this scene in Matilda **https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tt4a6JzLFVg**

Joan’s learned to ignore Sherlock’s bait by now, which is why, as they lounge on the couch and watch Matilda, she’s already heard him scoff five times, seen him shake his head out of the corner of her eye twice, and click his tongue indignantly once. And with great restraint, she’s ignored every single one of these, not even rolling her eyes or flinging popcorn at him.

She’s going to be hearing a huge lecture by the end of the movie. She promised him it was a movie ‘based on true events’ and went so far as to suggest it was ‘basically your life story, Sherlock’. Which, in a way: genius, unappreciated by his family, loved reading. Eh, it’s not a complete lie. She just wanted to watch Matilda.

She’s expecting his scoffing and head-shakes to turn to full out angry muttering only around the point where Matilda starts discovering her powers, but Sherlock is unpredictable as always. When Danny Devito walks into breakfast with bleach blond hair, Sherlock cries out, ‘oh, come on!’

She pauses the movie and turns to him angrily, ‘What?’

‘That’s absolutely ridiculous!’

‘What is?’

‘That mix of chemicals should not have dyed his hair at all. The peroxide in the bleach would clearly be neutralised by his hair growth oil! The amount he applies, even were it just hair dye, would not succeed in bleaching it, nor would the time he allows it to sit in his head between applying it and showing up to the kitchen for breakfast. In any case, no matter how simple the man is, he would have smelt the bleach, or would have felt it burning his scalp.’

Sherlock explains all this as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Joan wonders at what point in her life did it all go this wrong. Instead of pointing out that it Is A Children’s Comedy, instead of dropping the popcorn and screaming out into the heavens in frustration, or instead of indulging him by agreeing, she simply says, ‘wrong.’

‘Wrong?’ He speaks the word like he has never heard it before in his life.

‘Yup. Wrong. I think it makes perfect sense.’ She presses ‘play’ on the movie, and tries to hide a smile while Sherlock turns to her, wide eyed.

Two minutes in and he splutters, ‘how, in any world, would that make sense?’

She doesn’t even pause the movie or turn to him, ‘if you watch the movie, it’ll all be explained.’ A lie. But maybe it’ll keep him quiet.

He shakes his head and makes one of his infuriating tutting noises, so she pauses the movie, turns back to him and says, ‘I’ll bet you ten bucks that it’s possible.’ She’s not even sure if it is, and she doesn’t know how to find out; the internet?

Sherlock’s eyebrows raised, he counters, ‘if we are placing a wager, let’s make it interesting.’

‘Alright, how?’

‘Whoever wins decides what movie we watch next week.’

Sounds fair, but even better would be, ‘ _And_ whoever loses is not allowed to complain at all while we watch it.’

This he seems to consider for a few moments. Of course this is what he sees as a real forfeit, _of course_. 

After a second he nods solemnly and they shake hands. Joan presses play and almost ignores the whole movie and Sherlock’s running commentary on it trying to figure out how she’ll prove him wrong.

-

Turns out, Joan doesn’t have to do anything.

She goes to bed after the movie and leaves Sherlock downstairs, probably searching for proof of chemicals and theories about bleach and ammonia, expecting to wake up in the morning to a heavily researched thesis on hair dye.

But when she walks into the kitchen for breakfast, she almost screams. 

Sitting on the table, casually chewing on a bagel, is Sherlock. Blond. Pale, almost white blond.

‘Oh. My. God.’

She ogles at him for what feels like a full minute til he grudgingly says, ‘close your mouth, Watson, you’ll catch flies,’ and gets up to make her a coffee.

‘Oh My God!’ A girly giggle escapes her mouth and she covers it with her hands.

‘Yes, well,’ he turns away from her to stir sugar into the cup, ‘I suppose you win. Whoever directed that film seems to have done their research on the properties of chemicals, although I still stand by the belief that the way Danny Devito’s character applied the mixture on his scalp would not have the same effect.’

He hands her the coffee, and scowls at seeing her grin. 

‘Do you need me to say it?’ he asks.

‘No, no, no,’ she giggles, ‘accidentally bleaching your hair blond is better than any ‘you were right, Joan’ I could ever receive.’

He sits down at the table in a huff, and after setting down her coffee, Joan takes her phone from the cabinet it was charging in and snaps 3 pictures before he can say anything else. 

‘I think it suits me,’ he mutters, and she smiles.

‘Definitely suits you.’ It does, as a matter of fact. ‘You going to dye it back?’

She wants to text Marcus a picture, but she’d rather wait to see his face.

‘No, I’ll leave it to grow out naturally.'

Sherlock pours himself some orange juice while Joan sips coffee and a thought hits her, 'why did the blonde stare at his orange juice container for hours?'

Sherlock glares.

-

When they watch Legally Blonde the week after, Sherlock sits in silence, since by losing the bet, he is not permitted to utter a single complaint.

**Author's Note:**

> (because the juice container said 'concentrate')  
> Disclaimer: I know absolutely zero (0) about chemicals, so everything Sherlock says I made up like wtf is ammonia or peroxide idk. All I know is Matilda is an absolutely amazing movie.  
> I'm @joanws on tumblr


End file.
